In our model of social emotional intelligence, coaching and mentoring are close allies in the field of helping others to grow and develop. Think and notice throughout this lesson how close these transformational relationships are to the legacies that we leave in this life. The fourth block in the model is our blue transformational box, and what makes our model different from all others? This is where you make an exceptional difference in the lives of others and take your social emotional intelligence to the highest level. We call it social acceleration. Together we will explore how transformational mentors and lasting legacies, the legacies that you leave behind are inextricably linked together. Watch for signs of commonality throughout. We'll explore areas of trust, and change, and the difficulties in difficult conversations, as well as feedback. We'll explore what it takes to be a great coach and mentor. All of these things are important in this exploration and learning process. Why do we want to do this and do this? Well, because we want to close the social and the physical distance between us and others. That will allow transformational change to blossom. Some of you may have a background or understanding of lean processes or lean manufacturing from the work of Dr. Deming. If so, I'd like to take you back to that and tell you this because I love it. I would like to bring up Kata coaching. Kata is, or it means a process or a pattern, or the way that things get done. The Japanese word Kata, it's beautiful to me. It comes from the martial arts and it refers to the choreographing of movements. So when you're thinking of coaching, think of choreographing the way in which you coach because you are doing one of the most important things that you can do with another person. If you're a leader or a manager, or just a peer. You are the choreographer of the development of a human being. Human beings in our companies are precious assets and you as a member of your team, are entrusted to help your company's most important assets. It's a great task. Before we go any further, I'd like to share with you one of the most asked questions whenever I'm teaching coaching, I get this question. A coach is generally a person who is functionally coaching. Coaching is helping someone on their current work. Mentoring, that's relational. It is usually done by your boss or an assigned coach. Maybe it's somebody who used to be your boss, or maybe someone who saw something in you and felt that through a closer relationship, they could get you to take your behaviors to an amazing level. A mentor is someone who helps you navigate the organization and possibly your career. Jeffrey and I are coaches and mentors to each other. We help each other to be better. The words that define this are not necessary, whether you say coach or mentor, it doesn't matter. It's really the act of what you're doing and I'll use them interchangeably. I also get the question, what's a sponsor? A sponsor is somebody who talks about you when you're not in the room. It's someone that may also be a coach and mentor to you or was in the past. But they're a strong advocate for you and they speak up and they help you behind the scenes. I want you to think really hard now, who was your best coach or mentor ever? You may even hear this person being called your talent leader. Maybe it was as you were growing up. I'd like you to think about this person. Think about this and think about the qualities this person left inside of you. Perhaps without them, you may not be in the company where you are today, or the level that you are, or the person that you are. They helped develop your character. What process, what method did they use? How did they coach you? How did they close that social distance? Were they a coach, a mentor or did they teach you? Did they tell you stories? These are all ways that we know through research that does close, that social distance. I was very, very fortunate in my life to have many men who cared about me and my future. They left a legacy in my life. Do you remember the skills that you may have been taught in previous coaching sessions? Classes may be that you took? It's always the same. I know that you probably are saying to yourself right now. Listening, observation, asking questions, listening to the answers, and using non-directed dialogue. These are the big three of coaching. This is something I hope that will help you to listen better. We were given two ears and one mouth. Use them in that proportion. Two-thirds of the time, listen. When you are starting to coach somebody, building the relationship is far more important than the lesson of that day that you hope to teach or the journey that you hope to take your coachee on to find the right solution. Questions and more questions are very important. Let's go deeper into the relationship building part of coaching. It turns out that the coachee will not pay attention to a coach unless he or she feels that they have the best interest, your best interests at heart. Thus before lessons comes love, or at least the deep caring and putting the coachee first. Trust is required before you can go any further. Let's take a look at a clip from a popular situation comedy that explores emotions and SEI in general. It has much to teach us about individual differences between people, intelligence and social emotional intelligence. This clip introduces us to someone who cannot read others. But the actual discussion of the issue brings these two people together. You want to bring yourself closer to the people who you work with, your boss, the people who might work for you or with you. That is closing the distance through connections, high-quality connections.
