>> Well, I first came to work on a research project for
which I had a foundation grant.
Then, while I was here, things blossomed.
And in the meantime, the East Asian Studies program
recruited me to teach classes on China and Asian history.
>> During in your time at Standford, you underwent a transition.
Can you tell us a little bit about that?
>> I decided to transition with my wife's encouragement and
support in the early 2000s.
This was only three or
four years after I decided actively to pursue this part of who I am.
I finally began to recognize what this was about, saw a therapist here in Palo Alto.
And began to plan for transitioning.
At Stanford, I received great support from the people
here at Stanford whom I came out to and told them what I intended to do.
That included Hoover.
When I told the executive deputy director what I intended to do,
expecting to hear some real concern and reservations.
He was whole heartedly supportive.
After I told him, the very next day at Hoover, they changed the nameplate
on my office door from my male name to my female name, Alice.
>> So when students come to you and ask for advice,
perhaps students who might be preparing to come out themselves.
What advice would you give to a younger person who
is about to make a transition similar to the one that you made?
>> I suggest to them, if they haven't already, to join a support group.
It's really important to meet other people
who are wrestling with the same kinds of problems and issues.
You meet people who are dramatically different, in terms of personality and
lifestyle and occupation and so forth.
But you find out, they're wrestling with the same damn problem.
And so hearing their experience gives you some perspective, but
it also gives you some confidence that you can actually do it.
And your social relationships may change.
Some of them will deepen, but proceed carefully and get advice.
It's important.
>> How did your family respond when you told them, your wife and your children?
>> She was set back for a minute or two and
after a period of time when we both talked about this endlessly.
We used to have dinners together,
we go out to our favorite Afghan restaurant and just talk for hours.
And we talked our way through it and she decided that I was still the same person.
And she's been my strongest supporter.
She takes a certain delight in it.
It allowed her to examine aspects of her own personality.
So she thinks it made her a freer too.
The story I often tell is that, when I told my son he said he worried that it
was something really important, I was becoming a Republican [LAUGH].
>> [LAUGH] >> And my daughter when I told her,
her response was great let's go shopping [LAUGH].
So each of them welcomed me as Alice with their kids and so forth.
And they've been very supportive.
>> What advice would you have for parents of young children who are trying to tell
them that their gender identity doesn't match the sex they were assigned at birth?
>> Parental support is key for it, and give them some latitude.
Try to understand what they're dealing with.
You're worried about their future.
That is the bottom line.
And of course, you love your kids and so help them.
I think of it this way, anyway.
It's parallel with my decision to pursue China studies when I was in college.
I'd call home once a month, to tell my parents I'm still alive.
Seven years of graduate school, every month.
Jeez, what are you going to do with China studies?
I finally finished, and got a job working as an analyst in
the Central Intelligence Agency, and I called my dad up and told him.
And he said, jeez, China studies, great field, how'd you get into it?
>> [LAUGH] >> [LAUGH] And I recognized at that point
that what he was really worried about was how is this kid going to support himself.
So parents love their kids, they're worried about their future,
and this kind of thing can throw things for a real loop.
But it can be managed, and their support is critical to the outcome.
I think this kind of a program is a great idea
because it gives people a concrete example.
A key thing that changes people's minds is getting to know somebody who is trans.
Once it becomes concrete, and you're dealing with a real person and
a real life experience, it's amazing how that changes things.
>> Well, I have already told you that I'm a big fan of yours.
>> [LAUGH] >> So you know that.
But I want to tell you how much I admire your courage for never failing
to move forward towards your ideal of living an authentic life.
And I wish that we could all do that a little more and learn from you.
So thank you so much.
>> Well, thank you so much.
One of the points that I try to offer people in the TedTalk that I did a couple
of years ago, is just simply it's never too late to be who you are and
it doesn't have to be about gender, it can be about anything at all.