4.13 Fear of Intimacy

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Del curso dictado por University of Toronto

The Arts and Science of Relationships: Understanding Human Needs

101 calificaciones

University of Toronto

The Arts and Science of Relationships: Understanding Human Needs

101 calificaciones

This course provides an introduction to: 1. Basic concepts of The Strategies and Skills Learning and Development System (SSLD), their relevance for every day relationships and provide advanced concepts for participants who work in fields of social work and health care . 2. Basic practice principles and methods of SSLD, illustrated by relationship management case studies. 3. The SSLD framework for relationship management assessment; N3C (needs, circumstances, characteristics, capacity) and problem translation. 4. Core competencies in the relationship management application of the SSLD system: Observation learning, simulation, real life implementation, review and monitoring.

De la lección

Module 4 - Building Relationships that Work for You

This module addresses relationship building based on communication, reception, and expression skills learned in Module 3. Additional topics on relationship problems will also be discussed.

4.10 Intimacy3:43

4.11 Idea of Intimacy 13:58

4.12 Idea of Intimacy 22:08

4.13 Fear of Intimacy3:13

4.14 Fear of Commitment2:43

4.15 Building Intimacy4:28

4.16 The Role of Physical Intimacy3:14

4.17 Intimacy and Sharing of Personal Difficulties2:45

4.18 Physical Intimacy and Presence5:33

4.19 SSLD Strategies for Building & Maintaining Relationships5:21

Conoce a los instructores

A. Ka Tat Tsang
Founder of the SSLD System; Professor and Factor-Inwentash Chair in Social Work in the Global Community
Factor-Inwentash Faculty of Social Work

Some people talk a lot about this sort of fear of intimacy

that is inherent in some relationships.

And I'm wondering if you can explain what that's all about.

>> Well, you know, fear is very easily triggered

when you get close to someone.

The reason is actually pretty simple because when you get intimate, or

when you get close to someone, you're more exposed.

You're showing more of yourself, and to be very honest, most people,

majority of people, are not 100% wholly comfortable with who they are.

We all have, like you know, unpleasant history, we all have our sort of like dark side,

things that we ourselves do not even accept.

That can be like trauma, or

they are like things that we have done before that we are not proud of.

So, when we are getting close, and these are going to be disclosed.

Some people will feel very anxious.

Like would this person accept this part of me?

So, you can see that even couples who have been together for

a long time, they're still keeping certain things secret.

They're not telling each other.

It can be like something that is really silly like, you know,

some insensitive thing that you did as a child, as a teenager that you just

did not feel proud of, but you do not want your partner to know, right?

But then, when you get closer and closer.

It becomes increasing difficult for you to sort of like not share that,

because you also want to be understood and taken as who you really are.

So I think as people get closer, right, this fear can

be triggered because of these like sense of being exposed, and feeling vulnerable.

This is what psychologists have been talking about, like I don't know, for almost like 70 or

80 years now, about this Approach-Avoidance Conflict.

On the one hand, we want to get close while we are approaching, but

as we get up to a certain point, the discomfort increases and

we want to avoid, so there is tendency to either stop or withdraw.

Fortunately some people would be able to get at the balance point, where it's just

comfortable, but some people can actually be experiencing this tension all the time, you know,

like wanting to get closer, but also wanting to protect oneself and stay away.

It can be pretty tormenting for people to be caught in a situation like this.

And it is also not uncommon for people to feel such discomfort

that you just quit and say okay, like, I'm out of here, it's too much.

So this fear of intimacy, I think it's pretty easily

understandable and well, I just want to say

that if you're afraid of getting closer, it doesn't mean that you're sick.

It doesn't mean that you have a huge problem.

I just want to say that.

And maybe it's just the human thing, like many people actually have that.

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